Thoughts From An Editor….. A Father's Voice

Most of you know that  when you read my column each month it reflects the things that not only are going on in town,   it reflects some of things that are going on in my life as well that I think you as a parent , a grandparent or a parent –to- be can relate to.  A lot of the times the articles are written around my life as a parent.   If you are a parent your life is your children. Whether young or grown,  your children take precedence’s over everything in your lives. As difficult as it was for me to write this story and as difficult as it  may  be for you to read this story,  it is nothing compared to the difficulty of  a father’s voice who told the story to me.    We read of stories touched with tragedy over our morning coffee every day. Some stories are too hard to read so we pass over them , others  we read and  can’t get out of our heads,  but still we  turn the page and get on with our day.  For this  young Colonia  father  he doesn’t know if he will ever be able to turn the page.  But he has a message for us as parents , an  important one and I urge you to read it and listen to the importance of what he needs to say. 

Joey Ferriero loved his daughter Ashyln . As a little girl she love to sing and dance, she loved to watch Barney  and  play with her dolls. Sometimes she would even dress her daddy  up along with the dolls.  Ashlyn was his world and he loved her more than anything.   When Ashlyn was six her parents divorced but both her mom and dad wanted what was best for Ashlyn and they decided the most important thing was to keep a close and loving relationship with their daughter. Eventually both parents remarried and Ashlyn was blessed to have two families who truly loved her.  Ashlyn,  lived  with her mother  and stepfather, Laura and David Seiden in Avenel,  along with her stepbrother Sam,  who is a sophomore at Colonia High School.    Her father ,Joey, and his wife Tammy, lived in the neighboring town of Colonia , with her other stepbrother,  Carland,  who is a 6^th grade student at  Colonia Middle School.  Because of the short distant between houses, Ashlyn was able to spend more time with both of her families.  She was very close to both her parents as well as her step parents  and  she adored her brothers.

Ashlyn was a typical 12 year old girl. She loved to dance and play softball.  She loved to go on the computer and text her BFF’s and spend hours with her friends.  She liked to go to Wildwood with her family and walk on the boardwalk.   Ashlyn’s bedroom at her dad’s house  looks like many other 12 year old girls rooms.  Her dresser’s are covered in black marker with secret messages written by her friends that only they know the meaning to.   A computer sits in the corner and pictures fill her walls.  Ashlyn’s bedroom  reflected that she was up growing up  yet there was still the touch of a little girl that lingered  somewhere between the stuffed animals and her pretty soft blanket that laid on her bed.    

Though Ashlyn loved her family she also loved being with her friends. Like most pre-teen and teenagers, hanging out with her friends was where she wanted to be. Sometime this left her dad feeling sad like he was losing his little girl, she was growing fast and at times he felt a bit left out of her life, but he knew kids her age didn’t want to hang out with their parents and he knew his daughter loved him, so like  any parent  would have or has  already done, he began to  slowly let her step out on her own.

  Ashlyn couldn’t wait until July when she was finally going to become a teenager. She was so excited to be grown up.  But  Ashlyn never did turn into a teenager.  Her bright future took a tragic turn on June 19, 2007 when Ashlyn and her friends walked up the stairs to the train tracks at the Avenel Train Station .  While two of her friends stood on the platform, Ashlyn and her other 2 friends went down onto the  tracks that were easily accessible to these young girls.  Once down on the tracks Ashlyn saw the train heading towards them.  She screamed “Train” and helped her two friends under the platform to safety but when she realized she couldn’t get underneath she tried to run and jump onto the platform.  Ashlyn never made it there.

Ashlyn Marie Ferriero, age 12, died from the injuries she sustained from the train.  None of the girls ever heard the train sound its horn. None of the girls ever expected this to happen. After all, they were just twelve and things like this couldn’t happen to girls such as them. When you’re young you believe you’re invincible and nothing you do can warrant harm. Or so these young preteens thought. They were wrong.  

Many stories have surfaced about this tragic day. It was said the girls were playing chicken. It was said that Ashlyn dropped her cell phone on the tracks and didn’t want to leave it there. It was said that the others girls told her to cross the tracks.  But the fact of the matter is one young girl is gone forever and two families and two communities have been forever changed.

Ashlyn’s father Joey doesn’t know for sure what happen that day, her friends told him that she helped save the other two girls, and knowing his daughter that is what he believes in his heart.  Maybe in all honesty he doesn’t know if he really wants to know the whole truth. That might just be too hard, that might just make it hurt more.  But he also knows that none of that matters as much as that his daughter Ashlyn  has been taken from him, the little girl that held his whole heart in her young hands.

He knows he can’t bring his daughter back but he wants to remind you  as  parents  to teach your children about the dangers of peer pressure. He wants you to teach your children to stand strong on their own.  He does not want any of us to feel what he feels or live through these days that he lives through now.

 “As much as we as parents want to protect our children and keep them close to us , eventually we have to let them go into the world.  Our job is to protect them and prepare them about the dangers that may come their way.” He explains to me.  ”   Children do things because they want to be cool, they want to fit in, they want to be  accepted by their peers and by doing this sometimes they make bad decisions, sometime those decisions can ruin their lives, sometime those decisions can take their lives away.”

In hopes to keep Ashlyn’s memory alive and to celebrate her life her family and friends have started a foundation called “Fashion Love Ashlyn Educational Foundation”.  Ashlyn was know for her kindness and generosity towards others so it would only be fitting to use this as the criteria for the  scholarship. Her classmates, the graduating class of Avenel Middle School, will write an essay nominating a peer and describing the role this nominee played in their life. The scholarship will be selected, based on votes and the contents of their letters, by Ashlyn’s family.  In the year 2009 the scholarship will move to a 12^th grade student at Colonia High School, the school in which Ashlyn would have attended  next year.  The funds will also be used for educational supplies and clothing for children in need.   In Remembrance of Ashlyn and to help fund the foundation, her families will  be holding a benefit dinner on November 20, 2007 at the Royal Albert’s Palace in Fords,  from 6:30 to 10:30.  Her families graciously invite you to attend.

 The Ferriero and Seiden families would also like to thank the following people for their support and love throughout these difficult days;  The Foundation members, Maureen Pitonzo, Frank & Maria Castrogiovanni, Melissa Glavas, Walter and Jane Hanks, Drew Memorial, Woodbridge, Linden and Rahway police departments and Keith Treichs’ Landscaping and Lawn Maintenance for the donation of the weeping willow tree in front of Avenel Middle School.  Ashlyn’ s Dad would like to thank all of their families  and friends and  most importantly thank Ashlyn’s friends for remembering her and  continuing to keep her memory alive.

If Ashlyn’s dad could tell your children anything , his words would simply say;

“It is so important for all of  you children and young teenagers not to give into peer pressure just to fit in, because if your friends don’t accept you for what you believe in than they aren’t your real friends and you don’t need them. Believe in yourself to make the right decisions for your lives and listen closely to what your parents have to say, they love you more than anyone .”   As his eyes glisten   with tears , Ashlyn’s dad continues.”  My daughter Ashlyn was the most beautiful, loving, kind and giving girl who was loved by so many, please remember her that way, remember her as the kid she was not by the tragedy that took her from us.  Keep her in your hearts and remember her, and remember that the decisions you make in your life can change everything, so  make smart decisions.”

The day Ashlyn lost her life, June 19, 2007,  she was wearing a shirt that had angel wings across the back of it.  In a comforting way,  maybe it was a sign from heaven  to let her family know that she now flies in peace above them.